No matter who we look up to as role models in a marriage, our stories are different.
While there are countless resources from books to podcasts sharing how to take on a role of a godly wife, sometimes it is not enough because we feel our experiences are not the same. Turning to the Bible and reading scripture has helped me better understand how God sees me as His daughter and what kind of wife God wants me to be, not what I want to be.
The biggest phrase many wives may have thought or said is, “I never thought this would happen.” That seemed like a broken record going through my mind as a young Army wife. It was after my husband came home from his second deployment, and I had just given birth to our first son. I felt isolated in a city that was so populated. I saw a different side of my husband than I did the “newlywed husband.” I felt lonely, bitter, and sad for how we went from such a happy couple to a couple that that had so much tension from his work stress. Divorce was a word that was surfaced at me, making me feel unwanted and unloved.
With what I know now, I see how God fashioned those situations into something better. But, as a young Christian woman, my faith was tested as I did not know how to handle myself in the situation I had faced. I could not understand why it was happening to me. My dear friend was used by God to guide me on my journey to helping my marriage become stronger.
There are three things that help me take on the role as a godly wife:
Keeping God first
What I understand as a woman is that marriage takes three- God, husband, and wife. I cannot and should not seek approval or thankfulness from my husband (cleaning the house to be thanked, for example) because expectations are often not met, which leads to feeling rejected, bitter, or hurt. Though this is easier said than done, I study a devotion and have Bible reading before my husband and son awake for the day. I take a moment to pray thankfulness of what God has done, pray for my husband and son to be blessed and to be a blessing as they go to work and school.
By keeping God first, this helps me strengthen my focus on God, strengthen my faith, and strengthen my soul to withstand spiritual attacks on myself, my marriage, and my family. As Jesus says, “‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:37-39, NLT). As I seek God first, my love for my husband and my views of my role as a wife become spirit-led.
I Cannot Change My Husband
I cannot change my husband because I am imperfect myself. That is probably the most difficult thing to comprehend, but it is the simplest concept that I learned early on in my marriage that helped my faith mature. While I do not know what the path is for my husband, I do know that he must endure situations as a way of God changing him for his “promotion” within his testimony. If I change my husband, I would be delaying spiritual growth for my husband. My job as a godly wife is to pray for his walk with God. “So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.” (2 Corinthians 3:18, NLT). God transforms me and my husband at the same time whether I see the transformation right away or later in the future.
Lastly, My Marriage is a Testimony
What I tell myself is that my spiritual journey in my marriage is and will be a testimony that another so desperately needs to hear to give them hope. That is ultimately what our goals are- to endure and persevere in faith. Every marriage has its moments, even mine. It is only through those moments that you and I take to heart that as God sees us through these not so blissful moments, His story becomes beautifully shaped as He speaks through us to others.
I pray over those who read this or will read this that God speaks to your hearts about the prayers you have. Though the world, marriages, and people are far from perfect, Jesus is perfect, and He will always hold your hand in the beautiful moments and the unpleasant moments.
Guest Post by: Tabitha McMeeley
Tabitha is a deaf Army wife and a mama to an energetic son. She enjoys writing, cooking, photography, and traveling adventures. Her favorite way to connect with God is through the simplicity of things- her son’s personality, nature, and the little everyday moments.